Trust

I was just listening to a speech given by Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It was titled, "I Have Given You an Example," and speaks of the love the Savior Jesus Christ showed to the people around him. It implores us to follow his example and show love to those around us, especially as we seek to help them find and strengthen their faith in Christ. (The full article is available here: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/i-have-given-you-an-example?lang=eng)

Often when I listen to these sort of speeches, a line stands out and rings inside me. There was one in this talk. It was this:


"As a companion to that love, trust them." (emphasis added)


Elder Scott went on to talk about trusting others to make their own decisions and come to faith in the Savior in their own time. But that single line got me thinking.

How much are love and trust tied together? When I think of those I love, there isn't one that I don't trust with something--to be there, to welcome me, to support me, to forgive me, to love me, to accept me, to sacrifice for me, to keep their word, to do their best, to be who they are, to make me laugh, to help me think more deeply; whatever. Always, there is something I have entrusted to them. And maybe this is why letting new people into my life and inner being--those private, deeply flawed parts I guard most jealously--is such a challenge. How do we know whom to trust? How do we discern and decide?

Just like we decide a lot of things. Trial and error, in an automated system that we don't often pay attention to. They are cautious trials, at least for me, but trials nonetheless. I share a little, or make a mistake (the unintentional test!), or ask for help with something small. And if the person I am hoping to trust listens, forgives, shows up, accepts, or otherwise doesn't let me down, eventually they get trusted with something bigger, and then progressively bigger, and on and on, until I trust them in the area(s) that has/have been proven.

I try to make allowance for the fact that they are also imperfect, so it's not a one-test-failed-and-you're-over system, but a process of getting to know another human being and whether they fulfill my needs or not. They aren't necessarily excluded from my life if I find they don't, they simply aren't trusted in the area where they can't meet the need. I turn to someone else who can meet that need instead.

It almost sounds harsh to me, framing it in that light. But heaven knows we do this, all of us! And as far as that goes, I surely know that I don't meet all the needs of all the people that would like to trust me. That's ok. As much as I have wonderful strengths, I also have impressive weaknesses. That's where I am. One day, I hope not to be! But for now, that's part of the package deal, :). I strive to keep this in mind for other people, too. I strive to remember that we can all change for the better. That maybe right now they aren't trustworthy with x, y, or z, but one day they could be. That's one reason giving someone the opportunity to become trusted never completely ends. It seems to me that I will still occasionally throw out a little chance to them, just to see if they have changed. Maybe my glass is half-full?

Anyhow. Trust. For me, it's tied to love, and I'm glad I understand that now. I don't know how to open up, in love, to another human being, without it. And honestly, I don't want to. It exists for a reason. It can be built for a reason. It can be lost, broken, removed, recovered, regained, and re-established for a reason. We need it, and I'm grateful for those who have been patient with me as I learned to trust them, amen!