A Different Story

One of my facebook friends posted a suicide threat as his status a few days ago. I've been thinking about it.

A lot of people pled for him to seek help and to find a different way to deal with his pain. (So did I.) As I was looking at his responses to those pleas, though, I noticed that he kept repeating that he is unwanted, a horrible person, etc. As evidence that he is not wanted, he shared that his biological father had even tried to kill him while he was in the womb.

Here's what I've come to: That is, yes, a part of his story. The event occurred. There is, sadly, no denying it. But why has he chosen that part of his story to define himself by? What about the rest of his story? He's in his early twenties, so there have certainly been more events to build his self-understanding around.

I know his life hasn't been easy by any stretch of the word. He has faced challenge after challenge after heart-wrenching challenge, and I completely sympathize with that. I've had my share. My pain has been intense and overwhelming enough to create suicidal thoughts, too. I didn't realize that's what was happening until later, but it happened. I am somewhat familiar with the state of mind and condition of heart it takes to get to that point. It's an enveloping black pit with no sign of stars. At times, I've simply had to trust that others could see those stars, and that one day, I would be able to too. And I've learned that it's true: there is more to see.

For this friend of mine, what about those lights he seems to have forgotten? The part of his story where he was wanted enough to be adopted? Or the part where there are people actively reaching out to him, right now, asking him to stay and stick it through? It's been years since I've seen him. We had lost touch, so I have no further examples to give for him specifically, and I don't know much about the circumstances of his life right now, beyond his stated reason for wanting to commit suicide. However, I do want to say that as I have progressed on my journey, I have learned that there is a different story.

It's been my observation that we pick and choose what we use to define ourselves. We often ignore the inconvenient details that undermine, or even disprove, the self-view we've chosen. Mental illness makes it VERY difficult to see clearly. We simply cannot will ourselves into understanding the world and ourselves in a new way. Rather, it's a matter of healing enough to be able to. Of letting ourselves trust more objective eyes, of seeking help at any and all times it's needed, of accepting help and love when they're offered. It's discovering that just maybe, the way we understand ourselves is unclear, and that can actually be wonderful--finding alternate realities which exist, and are even valid.

So. What about your story, the one you tell yourself is real? Are you overlooking some details that round it out and make it more authentic? Does adding those true details lessen the pain? Is there a wider lens which catches the glimmer of the stars? I pray that you will be shown a version of your story that does; one that holds more than you've written for yourself. I pray that my friend will be enabled to see a more complete view and let it help heal him. I pray that he will hold on.