From a conversation with former roommates, I gained an image of myself stepping matter-of-factly up to as strong, clear waterfall and simply reaching my arm out to let the droplets cascade over my skin, embracing the experience of surrendering to the rush.
This has come back to me recently as I've entirely switched careers--again--and had to literally step forward and learn material I never imagined myself needing to understand, let alone master well enough to become licensed in. And here I sit, having gained one new professional qualification since the beginning of October (the Series 7) and prepping to add another before the end of the week (the Series 63.)
I'm grateful for the confidence I have gained in myself that enables me to make these stepping motions, one foot in front of the other, moving into the next section of my path.
I still hate the awkwardness of not being good at new tasks; I find it painful. I buckled under the weight of my own incompetency when I started a new job in the summer of 2016. I had not pushed my comfort zone at work in a few years, and writhed at my lack of proficiency for what seemed like endless months.
I'm grateful to see that this time around, while I still dislike being unseasoned, I no longer afraid. I find that I have gained the ability to walk into the newness with trust in myself and my God to carry me under the waterfall to the other side.
I hope this confidence will be with me as new challenges arise. With the new year, we plan to move forward with seeing a fertility doctor and exploring what our options are for starting our family. We have one more appointment this year, at the end of this month, that will likely be the final news that IVF or other similar treatments will be the only avenues for us to gain a child through the combination of our DNA.
I pray to step forward into that reality with the same knowledge that I can make it to the other side, amen.
