Revisiting 'Trust'

A few days ago I wrote and published a post entitled "Trust." I've kept thinking about it, and there are a few more things I want to say on the subject.

In that post, I talked about how I build trust in other human beings. Since then, I've been thinking about how I built trust in God, our Heavenly Father. I think the principles involved are the same, actually. I've thought about my personal journey of coming to trust Him. I know that my trust in Him is imperfect. I falter. I forget. That's true.

It is also true that He is trustworthy. I've learned this through my own experiences, "proving [Him] now herewith," or, in other words, trying out the commandments He has given, testing them to see whether the promises He has made in connection with them are fulfilled in my life. This is the exact same process of giving another person a chance to show up, forgive, listen, or etc., that I described in my previous post. When I live or keep a commandment, I'm giving God a chance to Show Up; to come through for me. I'm turning to Him to see if He'll make good on His promises--be they promises to forgive, heal, help, provide, or guide. I'm testing Him out. And I am not speaking in hyperbole here: ALL the times I've tested Him, He has Shown Up.

One of the hard things about trusting the Lord, though, is that sometimes the way He "shows up" is different than the picture I had in my head of what that would look like. He shows up, but not always in the way I would have liked. Or in the time I'd have liked. Or even with the answer I would have liked. He is more loyal than that. His love is such that He will tell me 'no' when something is wrong or will hurt me. His love is such that if I need to learn something over a period of time rather than quickly, or to face the consequences of my actions, or to feel and overcome disappointment, heartache, or loss, He lets me. He is not interested in giving me a free ride, but a growing one. His investment in me is about me reaching my divine potential, not in having things easy, and this sometimes means He allows the trials to come. He's willing to say the hard-to-hear truth. He does what will be kindest in the eternal scheme of things, and not the mortal one I am used to thinking within. His ways are not my ways. They're higher.

But. But, but, but. He will be with us in all things. He IS with us in all things--in the heartbreak, the loss, and the disappointment. In the struggles and challenges that seem over our heads.  I absolutely trust Him to be there with me in the thick of things. That is what I count on. Even when I've felt disconnected from Him, when I've been murderously furious with Him, when I wanted nothing to do with Him, He was there. He sent people into my life to speak when I wouldn't, or couldn't, listen to Him. He reached out, over and over, unfailingly.

That, more than anything, is the source of my trust in Him. Experience has built on experience. After years of watching Him reach out, somewhere it finally dawned on me--I trust Him. I don't trust Him perfectly, because, again, I am not there yet, but I do trust Him. I know He's not going to give up on me. So I do my best to not give up on Him, either, and to keep giving Him chances to "show up" in my life.

Even though it took me years to see it, this is is what I learned: He always does.


"...nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep...
O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever...." -2 Nephi 4: 19-20, 34; The Book of Mormon